Oh the irony

Single again, at least in theory.

Starting to write again, my coach has been encouraging me for years to put thoughts to paper. For some reason I have felt too closed off, curled up and locked away to even consider it. Rather play mindless games, hypnotizing myself. Hiding away. So much easier than facing the disappointments, fears and rationalization of happiness - unfelt.

So much has happened though....to say the least.

But for now - the funny heartbreaking truth of today is that life and love is truly circular.

Should this post be called - The near past

Three months in Estonia, a country of mists, faeries and lore. Filled with forests and a people foraging for freedom and recognition. An economy straining against a communist past and the current threat of regional instability spilling over from Russia and the Ukraine.

Time spend there has offered a life changing experience, an opportunity for self reflection and redefinition. For me as a person, for us as a family, for the business, the product, the future. Moving forwards and putting roots down deeper at the same time.

Learning to really live in the moment, capturing the smells and the feel of the cold air on my skin, the sounds of Old Town, the green in my son's eyes.

 Shape - our first month in Tallinn was spend on speed mentoring, customer validation and questioning everything we knew about our product, business and selves. An immensely intense and emotional experience with the ultimate aim of delivering a far more clearly defined business, product and team. Personally the process was very taxing as the constant questioning of 'common knowledge' does result in you questioning your own abilities and decisions. The challenge is filtering all the inputs and retaining what is relevant and important for the business to progress. I believe we retained a lot, however I also believe that we could possibly have retained more if we better understood the process and our own end goals as a business -  that only came clear much later on.

The best part of August though was the warm weather and the month spend with Elrich in Old Town. I think the presence of my ever inquisitive little guy was the saving grace of an otherwise really taxing time during the programme.

We did a lot of fun things and he loved the adventure and all the new experiences. Up and down towers, rowing on rivers, sailing on the Baltic Sea, eating frog legs and hot roasted almonds, buying freshly harvested mushrooms and berries from local markets - each experience was enthusiastically embarked upon.  With Hermien's insatiable hunger for new experiences and knowledge there was not a street they did not walk in or shop they did not investigate in Old Town. For the first time in his living memory my kid lived under the same roof with both his parents. A very special time for him and one that I believe had an immense influence on him, even if it did open up age old wounds and led to teary conversations between us.