The vastness of Africa

One of my clients has an operation in the Richtersveld, a semi desert area in the south western side of SA, we flew in on a chartered plane, to land in a fenced area. The only difference between the landing strip and the surrounding desert, were the fence

That bit of dust in the centre of the photo is the plane landing which came to fetch us.
The local school - yes that little building in the middle of the photo. I took the photo like this, really to show that there is nothing remotely close to the little school, apart from sand and more sand
A little informal settlement on the outskirts of the local town. Even in an area with a population of just over a thousand people, 30% of the houses were informal.

Unfortunately I did not take my camera with as i just did not have space, so all these photos were taken with my cellphone. I really have to get a good quality small digital camera as I am still in the age of film.

I am a big boy mom!

Yesterday I had to kiss him goodbye in the car
He got out, put his schoolbag on his back
and walked himself to his classroom
I stood in the carpark with tears in my eyes
He did look back just before he was out of sight
saw me, and gave a little wave
then turned around and entered the empty doorway

Last night we went to our favorite family restaurant
on the way there he asked if he could phone Oupat
I gave him the phone with the number ready and he dialed
to invite his Oupat to please join him, mom and John for dinner because he misses him

Two extremes in one week

On Tuesday the teachers had to peel E of my body, crying and begging to come home with me.

This morning he put his schoolbag on his back, and promptly told me in the car park that I am not allowed to walk him into school. As I could never do that I told him I want to talk to the school secretary (is it bad to lie to your kid?) and walked him to his classroom. He got really irritated, and told me to 'go now mom, go talk to Sandy' I begged for a good bye kiss but only got a nonchalant little wave as he sauntered to his friends.

E as a four year old

Who is this little man that lives in the house with me? That is so serious, but such a clown. That loves pranks and bedecks me with jewelry, brings me flowers and kisses and tells me at least five times a day how much he loves me.

He is a popular little kid in school and definately a cool dude with his tatoo (stick on) and his cut out t-shirts, airoplanes and wild jungle gym tricks. His best mate's name is Keabetsi, who wears a baseball cap backwards, bright green dark glasses and just turned five. Between the two of them they rule the roost in school. His teachers adores him, often comments that he is smarter than he lets on and am amazed at how abstract his thinking patterns are.

The most difficult thing in life for him is to say please. He understands that it is a necessary evil whenever he wants something but would prefer to demand to get what he wants. It never works, not with me. A project manager of note that is often instructing everyone on how they must do everything. And of his 'other' grand mother he says 'She must learn my ways' I can see that they might clash - I have never warmed up to her either. It is funny to me that that set of grandparents think he is cheeky and my parents think he is just intelligent. Needless to say, he gets on a lot easier with my parents.

He has a very clear understanding of concepts such as death, money, going away and working to earn a living. I have never really discussed death with him ever, but he often talks about it. He does not leave the house without his wallet and constantly raids mine to transfer the loot to his. He is starting to understand that different coins and denominations has different values and will ask what the price of something is so he can see if he has enough money to buy it.

His favourite toys are airoplanes, balls and anything to do with water. Matchbox cars are very difficult to pass by in a toy isle and if only I could find a proper spaceship, that would be the ultimate toy. He got some cash for his birthday and I took him to the toyshop on Monday - I was surprised at how easy he understood when a toy was too expensive to buy and how he knew exactly what he wanted and settled on something so easily for the exact amount that he had in hand.

I am still amazed at how much he has grown in such a short time

Getting all kitted out!

So last year one of the things I decided we (E and me) will be doing a lot of this year is spending time outdoor. Buying the 4x4 was the first step in that direction, then followed my membership in a well organised family orientated 4x4 club, a couple of 4x4 days learning how to drive my vehicle and this coming weekend it is a camping trip! I do admit that it is a rather tame trip in comparison to what these guys get up to. There are shops, electricity, a swimming pool and hiking trails. No self support six day mission through treacherous African terrain with only radio contact. That is for later, when we are a bit more experienced and confident. But for now, I had to start somewhere, and that was with buying a tent, and a couple of basic supplies. But I pitched the tent in our front garden today, with only the help of E and a lot of patience - this, I think will be a lot of fun!

Reflecting Truth

When I looked in the mirror
what I saw
was an old tired beggar woman
haggard from exposure to the elements

The state of my emotional self
the residue of years of begging for
love
attention
acceptance
Not feeling quite good enough
ever

Interesting, we had a good discussion around that
I think I have made just a little progress today

Memories of our first year

Searching through old files and trying to remember what last year was like I found these really fun pictures. Taken throughout last year, by either me or E, capturing us in our crazier moments, telling a story of a family, of love, adoring grand parents and new experiences!

Its my Party and I'll Slide if I want to

So my little guy is just about to turn four years old. I decided to host his party this weekend past, because my parents are here, it is just before his actual birthdate and we are going camping next weekend.

After some soul searching and deliberation, I decided to host it at my place, to invite his dad, his dad's family, joint friends of ours and my family. All the people that would have been there if we did not get a divorce last year. Now whether that is me holding onto the past or me wanting my kid to have all the significant others at his birthday, I am not sure. But the end result was a wonderful party, everyone from the youngest child to the oldest adult had a lot of fun and the guests were here from 11 in the morning until nearly eight that night.

It left me in a shocking emotional state - I am so stuck in the middle between not being able to move on and not going back, it is not even funny. But that is a whole new post. I am starting counceling again tomorrow.

The waterslide was such a hit, far more succesful than I could have imagined in my wildest dreams and everyone had a load of bubbly fun on the thing! Look at my little olive skinned boy, his colouring sure takes after daddy's family
I ordered E a Spiderman Ice Cream Cake, but the lady made a mistake with the delivery date, so plan B was an absolutely delicious Tiramisu Cake! Oh well at least he could blow out candles and I could give the people some cake to eat!


All the little ones eagerly awaiting the cake to be cut!

With love from Elrich

We made this valentines card to give to Oupats and Ouma, I drew the heart which he then decorated. He told me what he wanted to write on the card and I showed him the letters which he then copied onto the card. It was such so much fun, even if I am still finding red glitter everywhere!

Message from a Friend

Don't allow sentimentality to hold your emotions hostage

O my, how profound is that? It so hit the nail on the head. And now I understand the weird emotional space I have been in lately. The more fun I am having with John, the more I am missing Phil. Weird, yes? I think it is not too different from the stage I went through just after Nè Dean died, where I could not do any of the things we used to do together. Holding onto the past, a past that was forever gone.

When I actioned the divorce I did it because I believed that my marriage was dead, beyond resurrection. I still believe that, so it is the same as if he died. There is no going back, it simply is not an option. All I have to do, is to let go of the past, and embrace my future.

Making Racing Cars

This is much more fun than working at 6 am, especially if you were working non stop till ten the previous night ;-)

you need:
Boudoir biscuits, one for each car
Four jellie tots for the wheels
and a little sticky icing sugar

Then just stick wheels to cars and of you race - fastests fingers first!

But seriously this is a lovely way to entertain the little ones for a half hour or so

In a Minute

Did I ever complain that I did not have enough work to do? It has been crazy around here the last two weeks and it is E's birthday party on Saturday. Fun, I am having it at my place, I have not even bought him a present as I am working till eleven every night. And yes, I will spend all of Friday at a client in Cape Town. For the uniniated, that is a two hour flight away from home.

Lets rather make racing cars

A night on the town

So on Friday night John fetched me in his canary yellow little sports car
we put the roof down and whisked down the highway with hair flying, music blaring and hands in the air
to go to dinner first
and then to The Doors
Yes, an alternative hard rock club
Where I got caught up in the music (and I think the thick smell of ganja)
and head banged the night away
It was FUN even if my neck is still killing me

Self Discovery (2)

Mom you know what?
What my angel?
Gells haves shines
What?
Gells haves shines and I have a willy
Yes angel, girls have vaginas and you have a penis
Yes, and if I take my penis off i will also have a gina

Where he get the pronouniation for girls from, no one knows ;-)

Introducing John

Uhuh So I swore after Phil I will lock myself in a closet and never get involved with another male again. For at least then the next 10 years.....I am still very skittish, but I need and want a friend. A real friend, somebody that I can have fun with, trust, can be my silly self and not be frowned upon. I always imagined a future fictional partner to be a professional somebody or another, maybe in the mining industry or economy. A mentor and buddy. Instead I found John, or rather John found me. He is very Greek, scraped through school, been through some of the toughest courses in the university of life and survived. But he is real, he understands how life works and best of all he knows exactly what he wants and where he is going.

So:
My friend - definately, we know how to have fun when we are together
My lover - you better believe it, we steam the windows up
My mentor - it is unbelieveable how much we are learning from one another
My partner - not sure, too scared to even think about the future
A gift - most certainly, I think sometimes the universe smiles on her children and gift us with the most unexpected

Knysna through my eyes

I have not taken photos for a very long time, even in Malaysia I could only take a handfull of pictures. I used to view the world through picture frames, seeing potential beauty and eternal moments every where. When I went to Knysna with E, all of a sudden that gift and desire was back. Here are some of the moments I managed to capture