Diving right in huh?

So remember - my new years resolution was to not be scared of extreme sensations and to dive right into life??
Remember that?
I have eventually started to rake up enough courage to dip my toe in the water
I am getting there
I promise ;-)

The end of the week

Today I am really tired
I am yearning for a simple life
For a garden to tend
A body to cuddle
My child's laughter
A homely fire
just
contentment

Pregnancy is risky business in the South

Every now and again, people talk about the new era of apartheid in SA where the gate keeper is money and not skin colour. In actual fact, a darker pigmentation will open lots of financial doors for you, providing you vote for the right party and if not that,at least you studied at the correct university and move in the right circles. But yes, SA is the land of opportunity and everything can be bought from anybody, at whatever the price, providing you have the money to pay for it

The latest statistics show that infant mortality in SA has increased. That 1 in every 110 pregnant woman will die as a result of a lack of proper care. I cannot help but be reminded that if I was in a different socio economic profile my name would have been on that list

New Experiences

Lots of new things have been happening around here, and for most I have photos, but for some reason my post editor has dissappeared and I dont know how to post the photos anymore ;-p

But in the last two weeks
E went Ice scating for the first time
he loved every minute and have not stopped nagging to go back

E ate sushi as a big boy - had it once as a baby, but not since
and he still liked it

I went hot air ballooning over the cradle
with a 'gaggle of girls' so called because we
did not stop talking for over five hours
This is what our bookclub is best known for

And I got my very first client
that is not billed through another consulting firm
I have given in lots of proposals and tenders before
but this is the first one I actually got
and it was through a word of mouth reference
from another client
Very exciting

Back to the sand pit

On Monday E got to go to the secret playroom for children
Much much later he came down to call me
come see mom, come see what I have made
to be escorted back to a sandbox
where the recurring theme was toys getting stuck

stuck under things
stuck inside things
but all of them had to be rescued

It was very interesting to see

and then yesterday he went through a serious separation issue
where he could not do anything if he could not see me
when I asked him what was wrong, he said
I am soo scared you will send me away again, I want to see you all the time

It was very hard taking him to his dad this morning

Ow that hurt

I don't want you anymore mom - I only want my daddy
Cause daddy has a big house
and a swimming pool and I can play with all my toys

Yes, and there are five adults all living together
each overly eager to spoil you to death
starting with the 22 year old little girlfriend
that is feathering her nest

I promise I did not say anything in response
I just reassured him that I love him very much
and that daddy loves him too

And then tried to not take it personally
as he is only four
and dont need to know his dad is a
complete asshole
that don't pay his maintenance
and breaks his promises
faster than he makes them

Revisiting the birth

In play therapy on Monday E got to see lots of photos of a developing fetus. He even got to draw the sperms and egg in 'mommies tummy' He had fun with it all, even though he did not really engage with the woman at all. Using all kinds of tricks to not look at her. He only answered her when she asked him a direct question and did not offer any information spontaneously.

But the following did come out:
The doctor took me out of mommies tummy - now this we have talked about at home before, what followed after was amazing.

Then daddy came with me and he cared for me......Yes, daddy did, he went up with you to NICU, because you were very sick and mommy was very sick, so mommy could not care for you. We never told him that he was taken into NICU after his birth, or that Phil was there with him.

And then I came back to my mommy and I slept in her neck. Accurate again, he slept on my chest with his head in my neck that first night in the hospital and many nights after that when he was a newborn baby.

He seems to be in a really good space right now, very happy and engaging with everyone at home and at school. The child psychologist thought him a lovely, intelligent little boy that is very independant for his age.