Settled in

Yesterday I got to test the bakkie, she did wonders and we moved my cottage in less than three hours. Help was had in the form of a huge 1.5 ton double axle trailer, Stephan, Johan and his little girlfriend. Beautiful to see young blossoming love like that........and the eye-candy was good as well, so was the company ;-)

My new place is gorgeous, two comfortably sized bedrooms, open plan living area and a huge serviced garden. Yeah for serviced gardens!!!

E has not seen his new home yet as he has been with Phil all weekend, spending time at friends of ours....mmmm a bit of an odd feeling to not be there as well, but best I get used to it.

I am pleased, I have lots of ideas for this little home, ways to make it mine. I never felt that at the previous place. Not sure if it is the different set-up or maybe I have just moved on a little bit emotionally? Suppose the big commitment was made in buying the car, I might just as well go all the way and settledown into my own little place as well......

New Wheels!

So after my little car has faithfully slaved away for me for 225 000 odd km over 9 years, she got send on to a new home today. The guy promised he will find her a nice family where she can snugly sleep in the garage every night.

My new wheels is an enormous double cab diesel bakkie - it juggernauts through traffic and even the minibus taxis make way for us. I feel very much in control, even though I probably look like a tick on a dog ;) After many agonising hours of deliberation and consultation this was the car I identified as the best obtion for me both financially and for my lifestyle. Even though it is a serious work horse, it has all the trimmings - a white and silver exterior with black leather upholstery, mp3/cd player, navigation system, adjustable seats and steering wheel, aircon - the list is endless and all explained in a rather thick manual.

The funniest thing of all is the sparewheel though, it is like a military operation to launch that thing from under her underbelly, with all kinds of lock and pulley systems. The salesman was a real sport though as we both spend the better half of an hour lying under her belly with him explaining to me what goes where to get this tyre out, fascinating stuff.

What I will have to get used to though is the fact that this bakkie is a he to begin with and definately not as sparky as my little girl - more like a real german warmblood.

Sweating it OUT

I have been getting more and more edgy lately. Edgy and tired, cotton wool headed. I have walked, and have talked, pondered, cleaned, cried, slept and nothing helped. My insides were itching

So I found a little gym, just around the corner from where I stay. I thought the place was bankrupt, but alas the liquidators are running it on a month to month basis. Perfect - I can cope with a one month, no strings attached commitment. So I bought a pass.

It worked, I sweated it out on the elliptical walker and then in the steam room. The poison was pouring down my body, leaving me clean, refreshed and clear headed. The first time in weeks

I think I will go and do the circuit tomorrow!

A Phone Call

and it is MSV that murmurs in my ear.....oh my word, I cannot believe what this guy's voice does to me. Even though I have met him and he does not look like his voice at all.

I think I do not need to see him really, ever, he must just phone me every now and again and whisper in my ear. It is an instant hormone flush!!

He wants me to come and visit him. Claims that his couch is really missing me not sleeping on it all weekend ;). It was fun, I might just do that. He really knows how to treat a woman like a princess.

Who? ME.....

Tomorrow I will be 35 years old
Sometimes I still feel like a little girl

This week has seen me
broken down
into
tiny
little
pieces

A hungry embrace
the man I once loved
A signature on a page
Tears for my freedom

I so want to make me a home
memories for my stories
laughter for my son

my numbers say that
I will search and search
a soulmate to be found
One have died
the other lost
it is to be left
well alone

Back to Basics

I have been bothered by the dating site and what felt to me my inability to manage the interactions there with integrity. I think it is in the very nature of the medium, people expect that you can communicate via the net for a couple of emails, share some photos - meet for coffee/drinks/lunch and then you either madly in love or you do not speak again.

I enjoyed the conversations with different people and had a lot of laughs at odd hours of the day and night as I did not take it seriously and just enjoyed the feeling of having company at your 'finger tips' But meeting the people and reading the desperate desire for acceptance in their eyes, every single time, freaked me out. These people are emotionally just too needy, and I am in no place to help them or share some of myself with them. It upset me so much that I deleted my profile from the site. I really feel at peace. I think I draw other people's emotions into myself too much. I did however share my email address with a couple of people i have talked to often and who's company I have really enjoyed. Hopefully we could become friends over time and have some fun together. I am meeting one guy next week, he seems to be looking for similar things as I am and he is a big outdoor fan. We are having dinner at my favourite little joint and then he leaves to walk the whale trail down in the Eastern Cape for a week.

So let's see what the future hold

With E, I am not sure how much he was affected by the Joey scenario. We have often spoken about saying no and telling mommy, but he did not come and tell me about this. I have been really carefull to not make him feel like he did anything wrong as well as getting the right message home. In the mean time he is spending weekends at his dad and will remain to do so until we have moved to a new place. During the week I will just make sure that we get home from school too late to play outside. I have told him though that he cannot play with Joey anymore as Joey does not play nicely.