Working through the past

 

It has been a tough couple of years living through Elrich's teenage angst, anger and depression. I have not always been the best mom for him - that I do admit. My own inability to deal with emotional needs did not help us at all when he needed me most.

But I have always loved him more than the circumstances or the home he lived in. I think he is starting to see that now. That his parents really love him. Even in their own imperfections. That we will try to do what we think is best for him. 

It was tough when he moved out to live with Phil, it was even tougher when he moved back to live with me. Keeping the balance, knowing how to respond. Really trusting your own instinct and understanding of human nature to carefully guide him, enabling him to become himself more and more everyday. 

I don't always know what is right from wrong, but today he put his arms around me and he told me that he appreciates what I do for him. That he can see I try to help him and he does not appreciate me enough. That it is difficult for him to say to me that he loves me, but that he does. He saw me, I think for the first time - he actually saw me. My teenage kid illustrated an awareness of himself and who he is and my needs that I do not think many adults have. I think he will be ok, it will be ok. We will all be ok.