It was all a lie

So we are back from our holiday. I am moving into my own place on Saturday. All I have to say is that a girl should always trust her intuition

The Process of Making Progress

When I used the be a professional showjumper I had this mantra that it is 'not that their is no pain, it is not minding that it hurts' closely followed by 'you only learn to ride by falling off' Both those pieces of wisdom is true, to me, for everyday life as well. We only ever learn from our mistakes, and then sometimes the same mistake has to be made numerous times before we catch up to ourselves.

This Easter stands out to me as emotionally an extremely painful detail in the overal process of our healing. But we are closer together and he has agreed to go see a councellor. In actual fact he has had his first appointment already and will go again tomorrow.

About Forgiveness

I have just received a large sum of money for a job I worked at night and day for more than two months. I used just about all of that money to pay the debt Phil incurred when he had that affair. In my head I have always referred to it as 'his fucking debt'. Cause that is what it was.

When I think back on those 18 months and the hell we went through during and after that, I can still feel the anger boiling up in me. Paying his debt for him has forced me to come face to face with my emotions, again. But I will not begrudge him, I will set him free from his financial burdens, and in the process we will all be freed from the past.

Keeping your eye on the ball

I must say, it pays to work at something you believe in. Even if you cannot imagine that you could actually get there. Like climbing a mountain or walking across the Sahara.

We have done that over the previous year in our marriage. Walked across a desert. I think we have found a safe oasis, right now. I am not so naive as to believe that nothing will ever go awry again, but I am confident that we have learned we really want to be together. And that any future decisions will be made with the family unit as our first priority. From both of us.

We are planning a future together, with a house, a new baby and a possible cross continental move. We are leaving the past behind us.

I think I am more ready now to purchase that wedding band and renew our vows.