Nausea

I have been nauseas for two days now, feeling like I have eaten a huge big cream cake. This is very much how I felt when I was newly pregnant with e. And my nipples are tingling, like my milk wants to come down........but it is only 7 days since the lost condom scenario. I also feel very amoreous, all the time, and overly emotional and my period is only due at the end of the month.

When Shae-lynne came to visit I told her that I do not want another kiddo, not now, and I don't think ever. The emotional trauma and associations I have with childbirth and young babies are not an argument for more children at all. She was not convinced. I am not ready though to throw the baby gear out either as this nagging little voice keeps on telling me my family is not complete. But geez, as is obvious, I am still trying to find myself and get our marriage back in the green zone.

I keep on telling myself it is just all in my head - and maybe it is. I had to laugh at a colleague the other day. She is about 18 weeks pregnant and she mentioned that it took her three weeks to acknowledge the pregnancy - kinda like if I dont say anything, maybe babe will just be reabsorbed in my body and I would not have to deal with all of it. And they were consciously trying to have a second child.......