On tenderness

Can I say that our holiday gave us a wonderful break from the reality of every day life? Spending time in this paradise can be nothing short of idilic, don't you think?

Our bathroom

and at candlelight

Where you can laze in the privacy of your own private patio, listening to birdsong and river sounds

And get so close to the wildlife that you can almost reach out and touch the animals.

We had to search long and hard to find this male lion as the reserve is 26,000 hectares in size and they are free to roam at will.

But after a six hour drive we arrived exhausted, irritable and sick (John) so after a rather unpleasant and emotional afternoon and early night, we returned home the next day. Fortunately for our relationship, we were stuck in the same car for the journey home. Forcing us to haltingly talk about the real issues at hand.

Like my seemingly lack of tenderness and extreme difficulty I have to feel and show love towards John. My immediate emotional withdrawal at the first sign of either conflict or emotional need. Two extreme emotions that are part of the same coin, I believe. John's passive aggressive response to me whenever I say or do something he does not like. The need we both have to be emotionally close to each other, but the difficulty we experience in maintaining that closeness in any stressfull situation.

But we want to be together....he is such an emotionally intuitive man that are prepared to talk about his emotions, comment on mine and put himself on the line for a future where our relationship needs are met. So we have decided to go for some councelling, together as a couple, but also as individuals.