Rage

I have gone from denial and mourning to Rage - viscous, violent, angry emotions are storming inside of me. I have but to think about the previous 20 months and the volcano stirs to life. I have given so much, I have trusted implicitly and I asked for nothing in return. Well I got more than I ever bargained for - the words deceitfull, honourless, asshole reverberates through my mind. Shanie has been ridden in tight circles and figures of eight, bending, flexing and sweating it out with me on his back. Circles going round and round with my angry thoughts. Even typing this turns my mouth into a bitter smile.

Inspite of the anger in me I have been told today that I look radiant??!!!! And the person wanted to know what is going on with me that I look so glowingly happy....mmmm....I left my deceitfull, faithless asshole of a husband!!! At least now I can mourn the death of something dear. Looking and hoping to find that which would never be was certainly driving me over the edge.

Then I am told by one of our mutual friends that p is going through a difficult time and that people are not made for this type of shit. Yeah, right I want to SCREAM back at him, who's decision was this?? Who betrayed who here??? He deserves every bit of miserable emotion he is feeling and more. Even though I am sore, at least I have been let out of jail.