there are two saddles, bridles, a feedbag filled with full fat soya, riding hat, gloves, crop and big safety box filled with blankets, various numnahs, saddle soaps and other horsey paraphenilia. It smells kinda musty, nothing like that clean erragrostis breath that used so sniff me so daintely. Investigating everything in my hands. Checking out the new leather gloves, worrying my pony tail.
I want to remember those big soft toffee brown eyes, the long lashes and gentle lips but I keep on seeing the wild adrenalin rush on his face. The deep throated moans as he was trying to get up. The relief as he was sedated.
I do not want to think what became of that body I so loved. My guess is he is feeding those lions I went to visit so innocently not too long ago. I know it is the circle of life and that he is gone and what does it matter how we treat that which is left behind?
Today as I was paying all my accounts, his name came up on my list of beneficiaries. His name is still everywhere, forming part of everything in my life. His face a beautiful picture in my lounge. The feeling of jumping him a memory in my muscles. I miss him more everyday.
1 comment:
The fact that you can remember his tenderness and strength along with his agony, then relief is healthy. There is no easy way out of this. You have loved, so you will hurt. Be patient with yourself, and continue this process. You will be ok. One day.
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